i have so much to say.

and never know where to begin.

i will begin with a note that i sent to a new friend, regarding communication:


"one of my good friends has an insane conspiracy theorist father who believes the obama initiative is to make everything electric/electronic, from e-books to cars to information to school systems, so that when he is in absolute control of the nation he can pull the plug so that all can be lost.

now, i think he might be nuts, for sure, but part of me thinks, what is wrong with pulling the plug? i mean how was not only our nation but the world founded...on sharing information through story telling and song (this is the most p.g. part of how our nation was founded, you know what the rest was).

in my day-dreaming utopian mind, i think the world sometimes needs to step back and learn how to communicate again, through words, emotions, touch, music, and feeling.

sometimes we rely too heavily on this electronic medium (i mean look at me now! typing away to communicate thought) and forget the people around us as we facebook and text and tweet and blog.

my conundrum is that i love technology, but yearn for intimate exchange with words but find myself so shy. would i even fair well in my utopian dream of real connections? perhaps that is why i am so quiet in general.

___________

this same good friend, the one with the conspiracy theorist father, also tells me that i hide so much of myself from everyone. and he is right. and here i am wanting friendship and love, but i am so guarded. how could anyone properly love me, or i them?

i want all of you to know i am taking risks, starting with honesty. and i can tell you that it is so freeing, albeit heartbreaking too.

i'm not sure i will get everything out of life that i want right now, but i am not going to give up hope that someday it will happen.

_________

on a side note, i want to share some poems, but i am unsure how blogger or i should take responsibility for copyrights.