five.

Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
Subject: this is how i feel sometimes.
Time: 10:11 am.

like a letter from elizabeth barrett browning to robert browning on march 20th, 1845.



Friday, December 12th, 2003
Time: 11:31 pm.

Eisler on the go, Eisler on the move
Brother is on the vinegar truck and I don't know what I'll do

I don't know what I'll do, I don't know what I'll do
Eisler's on the come and go and I don't know what I'll do

Eisler on the farm, Eisler on the town
Sister in the tickly bush and I don't know what I'll do

Eisler on the boat, Eisler on the ship
Daddy on the henhouse roof and I don't know what I'll do

Eisler in the jailoe, Eisler back at home,
Rankin scratch his head and cry and I don't know what I'll do

Eisler him write music, Eisler him teach school,
Truman him don't play so good and I don't know what I'll do



Saturday, November 29th, 2003
Subject: also.
Time: 8:27 pm.

well everytime that i come home nobody wants to let me be. it seems that all the friends i got just got to come interrogate me. well, i appreciate your feelings and i don't want to pass you by, but i don't ask you about your business, don't ask me about mine.



Subject: backroads.
Time: 8:23 pm.

black ice and snow drifts. oh my.



Friday, November 28th, 2003
Subject: songs i wouldn't mind making out to, a short list:
Time: 7:12 pm.

people talkin', lucinda williams
the scientist, coldplay
hell is around the corner, tricky
fire, bruce springsteen



Time: 4:02 pm.

I drove from Tribes Hill to Gloversville. The car pitched softly with the dramatic folds in the road. And Tom Petty filtered through the speakers. I was tempted to pull the car over on the side of the road to take a picture of the mountains, the protruding power poles, and the looming gray rain clouds in the distance (that seemed to be draped, acutely, over my hometown). It was one of those moments. Completely bitter sweet. That picture, if I had had my camera, would have captured the backdrop to that space in my heart where love and depression dance.

I have often wondered why I ever left this place. Today I found the answer. Home is disintegrating. And it’s very possible that the people who reside here are falling ill, based on the pragmatism that they are a product of their environment, and those who escape have a better chance of survival.

I have changed too. And where is home.



Friday, October 31st, 2003
Subject: silly.
Time: 10:53 am.

really. people care too much about money.



Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
Subject: my life.
Time: 11:38 am.

is like the movie groundhog day.



Thursday, October 16th, 2003
Time: 10:58 am.

There is absence, there is lack,

there are wolves here

abound.



You will miss me,

when I turn

around.



Friday, October 10th, 2003
Subject: i'd be a good mom.
Time: 5:18 pm.

sayin'.



Saturday, October 4th, 2003
Subject: round face.
Time: 7:32 pm.

often times i don't like it. but then i think about people like ingrid bergman.



Friday, October 3rd, 2003
Time: 11:09 am.

i had a dream that a fast moving talking dog murdered (a talking) winston, my very obese house cat, with jutting chunks of tree bark and different sized stainless steel knives. in my dream i took vengeance upon that scrappy mutt with similar knives lying around. the sight of winston with a piece of wood gouged into his soft abdomen jolted me out of bed at five twenty three this morning.


Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
Subject: hangovers...
Time: 12:35 pm.

hanging on.



Monday, September 29th, 2003
Subject: we have a leak in our kitchen ceiling.
Time: 10:33 am.

like this week isn't going to be interesting enough.



Saturday, September 27th, 2003
Subject: sunday, october fifth.
Time: 7:42 pm.

eight years. it feels like yesterday sometimes.



Thursday, September 25th, 2003
Subject: THIS BELONGS TO THEO. I WISH IT BELONGED TO ME.
Time: 2:29 pm.

theo writes:

***Before reading the following entry, please let it be known, that this was crazy and totally unexpected and random. You will probably think less of me and think i am an asshole, a prick, a total dick and probably deserve a first class ticket to h-e-double hockey sticks. but if you were there, and witnessed this and more importantly felt their wrath, youd know where i was coming from.

this could have been an episode straight out of the "twilight zone". i like to call this entry "the twlight zone that wasnt: the popcorn, the android and the fucking yak"

it all started around 6 o clock. kevin was the first one attacked. 30 minutes later and 2 missed sales, he felt their wrath. his store was left in shambles and kevin was left holding his "boys" as he was punched squarely in the nuts.

seth was then up next. seth felt the wrath at 6:45. he got it the easiest tho. he was up high and out of the reach of the small ones. lucky fucker.

7:25 the phone rings. its seth.
"theo....some people are coming for you. be on the lookout."
"who?"
"youll see. be careful and good luck, thats all i got to say"
::dial tone::

so now im awake and scoping out the scene. then i see them. all 3 of them. leaving a path of terror behind them. people stopping and looking. the little one screeches like a pack of banshees.

finally they arrive.

theres 3 of them. a scarecrow of a woman, and her two devil spawn.

they approach me like a flock of locusts on middle america crop farm. the mother pushes one kid in a stroller the other one, a boy age 4, follows in tow.

"i need these in pink" she spouts out at the mouth. we look for what she wants and before i know it, all hell breaks loose. jr starts jumping up and down, wailing his arms like hes on fire. all of a sudden, the lil fucker starts yelling and screaming. his tiny little body produced this sound.....it was like chewbacca was getting anal raped by a pack of angry anal raping goats. it was like a yak mating call....just the wierdest fuckin sound, i have ever ever ever heard a kid make. much less any other human.

the girl remained in her chair. she had this look in her eye, like she knew your deepest darkest secrets. i looked at her and winked, hoping to get her to change facial expressions. it worked. she went from devilish grin to all out balls to wall pissed off. she started to scream and yell and throw her popcorn all over and at me. the mother was acting like this was a common occurance. she browsed, asked questions, tried things on, and was a total ghost to her spawn. the son was doing the yak mating call as he ran laps around my counter. the lil girl, who was bored throwing popcorn at me, decided to go for a stroll. she stands up in her stroller, and tries to climb out.

THUD!! her small but fat body crashes to the floor. head first. i ran to her aid...she layed there, laughing like a mad woman. this is when it got creepy and on some twlight zone shit.

she stands up and moves her hair and i notice a plug and wire running from under her shirt to the back of her head. rca-jack style. it was one of the most bizarre things i have ever seen. so now im kinda creeped out. i mean she fell out of a stroller, flat on her fuckin head, and she laughed. it had no effect on her, but to laugh. the boy is yodeling like a fuckin yak in heat and the mom is totally oblivious to this all. so the boy comes up to me, and tells me "i like blue". and i notice, THAT SAME WIRE/RCA-JACK CONNECTION running from the back of his head down his shirt. WHAT THE FUCK?!! what is this? it wasnt like lil patches like when you get tests done at the dr's office, to monitor brain waves or heart rate. it was like an actual plug, stuck in their heads. like a fuckin vcr type plug in THE BACK OF THEIR HEADS!!!! NO LIE! after the left, i called seth and the first thing he said was "DID YOU SEE THOSE WIRES AND SHIT IN THEIR HEADS?"

so after a good 45 minutes of popcorn being thrown at me, the scarecrow mom with vampire teeth, lil girl snotty nose , and the android-yak hybrid boy, making his chewbacca gettin anal raped mating calls, they leave with out buying anything.

but with a promise to come back friday night.

i know its all mean and shit to make fun of little kids. im sure he was making those noises cause hes probably got some rare disease or something and his sister probably has it too. they probably arent half human half android half yak people, made in some dudes basement. and here i am making fun of them, and shook cause they gave me the fuckin heebee jeebies, but you know what, THATS LIFE YOU CREEPY ASS ANDROID YAK PEOPLE. LEAVE ME ALONE AND STOP YOUR MATING CALLS. ALSO STOP PUNCHING PEOPLE IN THE NUTS.

they were also mean, and fucking bad ass little kids, scary wires sticking in their heads or not. bad ass kids are bad ass kids. i dont care ofyour a yakhuman half breed, if your ass deserves a spankin then by all means your ass should be thrown over a knee and spanked. androids arent higher up then a good ole fashion ass whuppin.

i just want to know whats up with those wires. if its some rare defect, or the planet is under attack by yak-breeds.



Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
Subject: i forgot what it was like to have muscles.
Time: 3:46 pm.

i just don't want to turn into lou ferrigno.

and

i am sore.



Thursday, September 18th, 2003
Subject: I FEEL STELLAR...
Time: 10:35 am.

SO STELLAR, AND LOVELY AND RAD.



Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
Time: 10:58 am.

i find myself sick today with anguish. i'm in fight or flight mode. this thing with jeff's sister in the hospital and having no clue what the situation is, and being so far away, is making me ill.



Thursday, September 11th, 2003
Time: 2:47 pm.

i went to court today.